When Your Teen Shuts The Door
Jun 08, 2022 by Julia Van-Huizen
Updated: Jun 27, 2022
Yesterday my 13-year-old came home, went to his room and shut the door.
I felt like he had shut the door on me.
My son doesn’t usually do things like that. He’s usually in the common areas of our home. Or if he is in his room, he’s got the door wide open. But not yesterday. No, yesterday he shut me out.
And I had such a hard time with it.
It’s funny, but his “door closing” transported me back to my own youth. I used to spend hours on end in my room with the door closed. And it drove my mom crazy. And I could never understand why. Until yesterday.
What was he doing in there? What was he thinking about? Was anything bothering him? Was he upset? Was he chatting with friends on his phone? Was he crying his eyes out?
With the concrete closing of his room’s door, I felt closed off from how his heart was doing. And I so wanted “in.” It took everything in me not to barge in, to demand answers, to be nosy and intrusive, to ask him to share his heart with me.
I know that it’s a rite of passage to have my teen pull away from me a little more as he grows up. Friends are becoming more important to him. Spending time with them is more important than spending time with me. And that’s hard on my mama heart. Because I just want to be included in his life.
So instead of pushing, I prayed. I prayed for his heart. I prayed for his future. I prayed for our relationship, and I continue to, knowing that when he’s ready to let me in—on his time--I’ll be ready.