Feb 28, 2020
Saying YES to God first
God is faithful in the wait!
On NYE my boyfriend, Nicholas Gascoyne proposed to me right before the stroke of midnight! Unlike Cinderella, this process wasn't the picture perfect fairy tail you see in movies; with the illusion that love, dating and finding "the one" comes with an easy sprinkle of magic to solve everything;) Looking back I can now see what God was doing in the wait within my heart that was necessary to prepare me for this next stage in my life.
Leading up to this engagement was a growth spurt for me in my relationship with the Lord. He taught me about putting my contentment in Jesus alone, patience, discipline, prayer and most importantly, faith! I always heard from people, "God has the perfect timing! Don't settle for less than God's best!" Many days I would catch myself feeling impatient and asking God the question, "When Lord will it be my turn? When will you bless me with my heart's greatest desire to be a wife and a mother? " This was a constant prayer throughout my day and even laying down at night for many years of my life. After a serious long-term relationship ended, I felt like my heart had no hope left. Though I had made the decision, I was still so heartbroken, lonely and depressed but knew I had to move on. God has a perfect plan even in change. Since then, the man I dated years ago has been blessed with a beautiful child and a new future that I am so grateful to God for! God does heal. God does comfort. God does understand. God loves each of us the same! I felt like God was pruning me through challenges, and some I never expected to happen. I heard of UCB Canada and started to listen for the first time and God started working immediately and still is to this day! He challenged me to leave old habits behind, a lifestyle and to finally separate myself from anything that is not healthy including my own attitude! Yikes that was like ripping off a band-aid! I stepped out in faith, leaving it all behind and finally felt more peace and joy than ever! It took failing to learn, and God's grace to grow me and change my heart. If you have faith, God can move the mountain!
Years went by and then when I least expected it, Nick came into my life! Over the course of us dating I started to catch myself comparing to other's relationships, counting down the days, doubting and becoming overwhelmed with obsession over this desire to be married. I soon realized I had created an idol of identity in these things. Loving Nick and wanting to marry him and start a family together is a BEAUTIFUL thing! God does promise to give us the desires of our hearts! However, I had to learn that my identity and joy is found in Christ alone and he comes first before anything and everything else. Before Nick, before a ring, before marriage and before kids! Wow it was the wake up call I desperately needed that began to change my perspective. It was in that submission that I finally realized I already had everything! God helped me learn through my own time of weakness that Jesus is where our true JOY and peace comes from. Thankfully in that painful process of letting go of my desires and giving them to God, Nick prayed for me to remember that good things happen to those who wait and to not get discouraged when things don't happen in the timeline we think is best. God has a MUCH GREATER PLAN! What amazes and encourages me is the strength God has given him as a man and to all who ask. He has shown from day 1 he will not slide on his promise and commitment, his respect, encouragement, prayer and love. Though he knew from our first date that he wanted to marry me, he remained silent on the deets (which of course is a good thing;) and remained patient! He remained constant in what God laid in his heart when the right time was. Man what a journey it has been for the both of us! I thank God for this adventure we are on with him!
Now that God has brought us here, I can share I truly appreciate and value the faithfulness of God and his provision, growth, strength and love for me and for Nick. If it came at the snap of my fingers, without challenge, would I have truly trusted in God and relied on him alone? I thank God for the wait! Without it, I wouldn't have experienced his new work in me that I desperately needed. God challenged me over this period of dating to be grateful for what Jesus has done for us and what he had already given me with Nick. Before God blessed me with getting engaged, he wanted to prune out my old emotions, attitudes and expectations. If you struggle with a "wait" in your life, there is GOOD NEWS! Like Chris Tomlin sings, he is a Good Good Father and loves YOU! Even when we feel like we're 10 steps behind. Like a loving father, he never stops teaching his children one baby step at a time. The more we allow him to work in our hearts, the more we can grow and then start running! Hallelujah for his grace with me! I started challenging myself every time I would ask God when could I get engaged and married to Nick, he changed my question to "Don't you know that I was the one who put those desires there? I know Gemma. Trust in me. Trust in my plan". So I did... but it was a P-R-O-C-E-S-S! The wild thing is, once I realized I didn't need marriage, or a ring... God blessed me with it! It wasn't based on performance or comparison of others, but finally submitting my desire by quieting all the noise and trusting in his care and love for me. On NYE I prayed, “I’m yours first God. You can have it all". Months prior I had a much different prayer! He always wants to remind us every good thing comes from him and that he is where our focus should be! I thank God for that season and am so excited for this one he has us on together with him at the center! You will never regret spending more time revolving your life with the things of God and spending time with him. He is my Lord, my Savior, Counselor, Best Friend, and Way-Maker! I have so much more to share with you about what he has done since NYE! Stay tuned! I love you!<3 <3 <3 Thank you for your prayers for us!